I’m writing to apply for the position of CEO of Gannett.

I think I can do the job cheaper, quicker and better-ish than your current CEO Craig Dubow. As I’m sure you’re aware, Gannett lost 79% of its market value in 2008. Now, I can’t guarantee that I can lose that much share holder value in one year, but I sure can try. And I can try, for less.

Check out this chart I’ve put together showing Gannett’s stock price since Craig took over. I will grant that it took a lot of hard work to get it to move this much:

Craig made $3.1 million last year. I’m willing to destroy just as much share holder value and provide just as little vision as Craig but for a fraction of the cost. I am asking for a mere $999,999.99 — less than a third of what Craig makes.

It’s a bargain for sure. You can even tell your shareholders that your new CEO “doesn’t even make a million dollars a year!” This compensation may seem like charity work to some, but for me it’s not about the money. It’s about the expense account, company car, huge corner office and personal secretary to read my e-mail for me (I don’t really do that whole technology thing).

Since we both know that Gannett is not going to do well in 2009, why not save yourselves $2 million+ by going with someone like me? And we could even take that $2 million+ in savings and keep around dozens of lower-level employees (like those reporter people), because it is they that will ultimately create value for this company. But shhh, we’ll keep that on the down low.

I think I can deliver a performance twice as good as Craig’s 2008 performance (or is that twice as bad? Is this a double negative thing?) for a fraction of the cost. Win-win my friends.

Sincerely,

Patrick Thornton